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Wonderful ramblings of a disturbed mind!!! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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(no subject) [Apr. 7th, 2008|04:41 pm]
have totally hit rock bottom, prettysure im going to fail, have no idea what i am going to do. feeling really crappy right now and wish i could jus motivate myself to do it and kick ass...

im crap
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(no subject) [Apr. 3rd, 2008|02:07 pm]
I'm in a weird state of mind at the moment, so remembered good ol' live journal and decided to have a little rant...kinda.

Its weird at the moment, i know i need to focus on my dissertation, but all i can think about is how uch i dont want to leave keele :(

everything at the moment seems nice and fits into place. I feel quite happy with the rob situation. Thought i'd be more upset than i am, but i feel like i definately made the right descison, which for me is impressive beacuse i am queen of errors...lol

Had a reeeeaally fun night last night as well and if anything it put my mind to rest that i am going to die alone and never find anyone i like ever again! don't want a relationship at the moment, but is fun to talk to different people and have a little flirt i think. The real shocker last night was that i found Dave easier to talk to than Rob, even at the end of our relationship when i'd been with him over a year, so kinda confirmed to me that next time i need to find someone on the same level as me, and i should definately pay more attention to 'sparks' and shit, thinking back to it now, there was never a time me and rob 'clicked'. I did enjoy his company, but i i'd forgot how nice it was to just be myself around someone and atually have them get the jokes i make rather than a nervous laugh and blank look! lol!I dont think i laughed at all on mine and robs first date so it says something. was pleasantly surprised is the only way to put it as i was slightly dreading the date :s jus goes to show, give everything at least one chance, coz you never know, you might have fun!

Just in this state of meh at the moment and i hate it!! i really want to get my room scrubbed and polished all nice today, but i feel totally exhausted, like getting up and picking things up jus makes me feel like i need a good lie down:( mildly worrying! ah well...

hopefully i will get SOME sort of tidying on the go shortly...i hope! thinking a lil nap time might be a good idea, but i really want to be able to sleep tonight... :(

should probably eat at somepoint as well! lol
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Writer's Block: In Cold Weather... [Dec. 14th, 2007|10:53 pm]
[Tags|, ]

my teeth chatter, my fingers go bluey purple and i hug myself.
I look forward to walking through my front door, feeling the burn as the heat from indoors bites at my fingers and cheeks. Then i smile as i look outside, see the frost begin to form and the wind toss the trees about. It looks quite pretty when the fields are all white and crisp, the temptation to walk across untrodden grass is great, but the temptation to get a blanket and hot chocolate is FAR greater...
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(no subject) [Nov. 12th, 2007|11:04 pm]
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(no subject) [Nov. 12th, 2007|06:08 pm]
boo...i wish i wasn't so paranoid

not even got any reason, but i am...lol
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(no subject) [May. 21st, 2007|07:04 am]
ignore the below post, for it is now poop!!

Well, i got an exam in like two hours and canne sleep coz got all the stupid potential exam questions zippin around my head which is a little bit gay-age. But i feel ok about the exam itself which is nice.

Cant wait til its over, im guna come back here, tidy my room so it's all spick and span, then snuggle back down into bed and feel alllll happiful!!

Boyface is coming down on Friday so only 4 days til i see him, which is WELL better than the two weeks it was going to be that means its only been a week, which is long enuff thank you!!! aaaannnyway, guna try n power nap it til at least 8:00 so i dont fall asleep walking to my exam, that would b gay!

CANT WAIT TIL FRIDAY!!! *bounces around all excited and the like* I ♥ boy faaaaar to much, its gotta b unhealthy...hehe.
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(no subject) [May. 18th, 2007|08:49 pm]
its not his fault n i'm not mad at him forit at all...

but sometimes its sssssooooo annoying...

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(no subject) [May. 7th, 2007|04:52 pm]
Sometimes i hate myself, the way i am. The way i am procrastinating RIGHT now, when i could have jus of easilyt finished this work months ago. My sleep patterns are screwed again. Stayed up til about 5/6 am and woke up today at two. Another wasted day, i could have done so much 2day if i wasnt so fucking lazy.

And theres other stuff, idnt know why it bothers me so much but it does. Meh, its not my problem at the end of the day, but can't help but feel guilty that i think it. Hypocritical even, cause its not like i'm doing anything so special! Just kinda wish what i want to happen will happen, coz no matter how happy i am right now, unlike before there doesnt seem to be a definate future. Meh, this is all sounding a little bit cryptic. But i don't really care, i know what it means and it feels good to put it down some where even if no one will really understand.

i AM happy atthe mo, i just find myself willig things to change, granted for some of that to happen i will have to go that extra mile and try to change, other things I have no control over. ah well. I'm sure it'll work itself out. Anyway, i best get back to work. Thats a start.

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(no subject) [May. 7th, 2007|04:21 am]
how do i cut a piece??
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(no subject) [Apr. 30th, 2007|03:19 pm]
[Moodiling?? |thoughtfulhmmm thoughful....]

The logical part of me is telling me i shouldn't be annoyed,

The girl part of me is telling me i should.

I jus gunna let the pair duke it out a while longer and go along with the wishes of the winner. Gawd i hate inner dilemmas.

*edit* logic won, n im quite happy about it
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